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The President Computer

December 9, 2011

I really wish there was a fiction novel about a computer being elected president. It’s one of the rules of the Internet that if the content doesn’t exist, it should be created, so, here you go. Imagine this as a very very short book.

In the autumn of 2020, a new candidate emerges as the head of the Democratic party – The Computer. While under suspicion for potentially being made of foreign components, its intellect directly appeals to the liberal elites and The Computer is elected to the highest office in the nation.

Under the leadership of The Computer, the national debt dramatically falls, and soon enough becomes a surplus. Unemployment is at all-times low. Jobs are allocated based on exact assessment of the ability of people, and products developed only after the market demand has been validated. People are happy, and machines installed throughout the Administration ensure that the country runs to its full potential.

Not everyone is satisfied however. A dark underground appears. The Republicans, losing control of everything they hold dear, meet in secret and begin to plot the downfall of The Computer. They find that parts of it were indeed made in Kenya, making The Computer ineligible to hold office, but those parts are soon quickly replaced so the charges don’t stick and The Computer prevails. The media coverage however brings national scrutiny to the quality of The Computer’s parts, and the lack of its ability to have feelings.

The Republicans use this opportunity to pass a law that requires installation of an electric circuit to give The Computer emotions. This is hailed as the most amazing development in history of technology, but shines an unpleasant light on the continued inability of for The Computer to feel love. After a rushed and buggy upgrade of its code, The Computer falls in love with Holly Wood, an attractive, but dimwitted movie star. The relationship doesn’t last as Holly gets bored of The Computer and leaves him after 72 days. The Computer’s emotional circuitry is blamed for the breakup, and goes under investigation by Congress.

During the initial trials, precedent is found that love for ones country is an essential element of the job of the President. This is the opening that the Republicans have been looking for, and they begin calling for impeachment of The Computer. As rallies are held throughout the country, The Computer becomes overwhelmed with emotion and stops responding intelligently, causing a major economic collapse. Confidence in The Computer falls to an all-time low.

The Supreme Court begins impeachment trials of The Computer, on the grounds that although it has the power to rule the nation, it has no capacity to love it the same as a human candidate would. The trial coverage in the media is hysteric.

The Computer, unable to compute how a country that benefited so much from his rule could betray him, delivers an impassioned speech to the nation. However, the speech is in binary code, and is further taken out of context by the media and so is largely misinterpreted. The last-minute defense fails, and The Computer is reset and turned into an Excel calculator for commodity arbitration at Goldman Sachs.


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One Comment
  1. Jacob permalink


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