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A stand-up statistician

May 31, 2010

Today Tim and I made up statistician jokes during lunch. I am 95% confident that about 0.0000000001% of the population will enjoy these:

  • Why did the statistician get arrested? Because he was too perverted for the standard deviation.
  • Did you hear about a statistician who became a pirate? He was really good at speaking in R.
  • Why are statisticians both beautiful and smart? Because they “model and Excel”
  • Ten statisticians sit at a dinner table. Person 1, 8 and 9 die. Why? There was a Poisson distribution.
  • Why did the statistician get high? Because she thought that LSD had narrow limits.
  • How do statisticians never get fat at networking events? They don’t over-sample.
  • Why did the old statistician go crazy? Because he regressed.
  • Why to statisticians have so many LinkedIn connections? Because it adds to their confidence interval.
  • Why do statisticians buy Chevrolet cars? Because they all love ANOVA.
  • Who are the unluckiest statisticians? It’s those for whom the bell curve tolls.
  • Why did the statistician buy coloured crayons? Because he thought they were stochastic.
  • How did the statistician get pregnant? She random-sampled her birth control pills.
  • Why do statisticians make bad stand-up comedians? Because they demand a control group.
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One Comment
  1. Tim permalink

    Nice post.

    Why did the statistician get a Mohawk?
    …Because he was trying to following the trend line

    Chrismas Cracker joke companies could go to town on your blog!

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